Do think Conker will be OK?
Night Night then
You too. Mind the Beg Bugs and all that.
BED BUGS! WHAT DO YOU MEAN BED BUGS!!!
We left V&C’s spotless drive and headed east along the Dorset Jurassic coastline, so called to reflect the average age of the local residents. Apparently the coastline is also famous for the remains of dinosaurs who once roamed this land presumably sharing the Seaton promenade with people like my Grandad. He’s a local resident, although to be fair to him he was probably a young lad back in those T-Rex days. I’m told that old people haven’t always been old, although I find that hard to believe myself because every old person I have ever known in my life has always been old. Always.
During the war….. my Grandad was a pilot and once landed one of those sea planes on dry land in some West African plain. Sea-planes don’t have wheels and are built to land on water. I think the plane is still there. Imagine that. “Where’s your plane Grandad?” “Ummm…yeah. Good Question. Ooh look at that! A giraffe.“ I believe it all came about after his plane’s hull was shot to pieces by a German U-Boat which made a water landing unsafe, presumably in the same way a land landing is not safe either? His job was to support and protect the Atlantic convoys by searching out the U-Boats and, I guess, trying to sink them. He only ever saw one and it shot him to bits. Nice work. These boys are all real life heroes. Incredible to think my Grandad and his crew did that, and remember he’s old, always has been… always will be.. therefore so was his crew – a bunch of Grandad’s fighting for our country. Hard to believe. He’s blind too. Just imagine that. A plane load of Grandads being flown by a blind Grandad pilot fighting U-Boats in the Atlantic. Incredible isn’t it. How did we win that war?? 
The Dorset coastline has its fair share of winding roads and steep hills. A great workout for the bus and for my forearms. Our destination was Hook Farm in the small village of Uplyme, just outside Lyme Regis. This was going to be our first real camping experience in the bus. The campsite was a great little find and you can read more about it here… Happy Campervanning. A little review written by Sarah for a new website set up by our mate Tom. He has a Bongo. Tom’s blade is Tracey – aka Teblis.
In our life before the bus this is how camping experiences went.
- Choose a site that is neither flat nor soft. Preferably one with the odd pointy small rock, lump and divot here and there. A ‘patch’  near the eco (read smelly) toilets works best.
- Make sure the weather is windy and if you plan it properly, throw in some rain. Drizzle works well.
- Using the wind have the tent blow around a bit as you try to lash it down. Make sure the internal lining lands upside down into the wet mud now and then to give that real damp inside tent smell and feeling for later on when you go to bed. This will be a few hours later so don’t worry yourself about being tired at this point.
- Come armed with a range of anglo-french swear words – you will need these aplenty.
- Make sure you bring your partner along with you so you have someone to shout at and more importantly…. someone to blame. This is important!
- Peg hammers are heavy and take up space. Best to leave these at home.
- Find a small rock to help you bang and bend tent pegs. Give yourself plenty of time for this job, because despite the fact your tent will be lying on top of a small rockery, the field around you will have sparse rock pickings.
- Inflate airbed – not too much though. That would be silly.
- Get ready for bed by making sure your clothes from undressing get wet by dopping and draping in the small puddle that’s forming outside your tent door.
- Make sure your head is at the lower end of the airbed which is also the bit of the airbed with the least bit of air in it.
- Sleep with your back to your partner. No need to say good night to each other. Pointless exercise.
- Wonder why all your blood is rushing to your head.
- Do all of this in the dark.
- Oh… and one last thing. Leave at least one of your shoes outside the tent overnight – preferably both.
Now we had the Campervan – its all change. This is what we now did.
- Park up.
- Turn off engine.
- Pop Top.
- Slide side door open.
- Crack open Beer.
- Enjoy sunset
- Job Done! 
How smug were we when a couple arrived at 9.30pm on the ‘patch’ next to us. It was about this time the wind picked up and it started to drizzle. We lent them a small rock we found under the bus. We’re kind like that. We slept pretty well, although were woken by some noisy bloke asking if anyone had seen his shoe.
Now about these Bed Bugs….
 Gag courtesy of Teblis
 Patch? Pitch? Whatever…
 Regardless of whether you are sleeping in a fabric or tin tent you cannot avoid the rules of the toilet block. An absolute must is to make sure you wick as much toilet block water off the floor up your ‘Jim-Jam’ legs. This is practically compulsory and over time becomes a natural instinct. Something I always like to do is drop my towel on the floor to make sure it becomes soaked through ready for the morning shower. There’s nothing better than trying to dry yourself with a cold wet towel. And on this subject, please make sure you let at least one trouser leg drop into the puddle of your shower room floor as you get dressed in the morning.